The "pick me's" as we know them, they are known for aligning themselves alongside their oppressors. And why is that? Well, the only answer is the infamous pick me has internalized misogyny and in turn, allowed herself and her rights as a human to come second. Plenty of us at one point of our lives or another have aggressively aligned ourselves with those who did not have OUR best interest at heart. Why? Well because it is natural to align yourself with something that has power over you in hopes that they see you as a person for once. But the sad truth is they never will!

 Let's remember that because it is natural does not mean it's not dangerous, because essentially it is very dangerous to constantly attempt to make yourself appealing to people who could care less about you. 

We see things like "well I cook, clean, slave, and die for my man" come out the mouths of women as if this is what makes them a woman. I am here to tell you that, that is absolutely not true. You are no maid so why align yourself with people who make you feel like one? Your job as a woman is not to slave for men, it is to love yourself and find your calling. DO NOT allow silly men and boys to convince you your only purpose in life is to be an accessory to them.

How does one internalize misogyny? 

Believe it or not, it is pretty simple, many girls internalize misogyny at a very young age due to socialization and gender norms. For example, we teach young girls to make themselves appealing to young boys and to learn the duties of a "wife". Yet we do not do the same to young boys, gender norms take a huge toll on social development. And in turn, this is how many women have internalized misogyny. 

How do I know if I have internalized misogyny?

Be cautious of the way you speak about yourself and other women and the way you feel about them. This will tell you if you have internalized misogyny or not misogyny causes a sense of resentment and anger towards women. It can be displayed through nasty comments, belittling, telling lies, and thinking you are better because "men choose you". Let me be the first to say being chosen by a man is no accomplishment ladies!

How do I stop internalizing misogyny?

This takes hard work, self-reflection, self-discipline and time!! Things that have been internalized will not leave you whenever you no longer want it there. It is ingrained in your mind and will only be removed through dedication which I am sure you are willing to work on since you are here
But reversing the effects of internalized misogyny will feel weird at first, showing respect for other women, yourself, and realizing men are not all they are cracked up to be will slap you in your face for sure. But this slap is well worth it!
 

What's up girl? Long time no see! I have questions and want an outsiders opinion. The question is what exactly is talking and is there rules? Also I've been talking to someone and really like them and at times want more but after talking about that topic with them it seems that they don't. How do I know if I really do want more and am not just holding back? What do I do if those feelings aren't reciprocated?


Hey girl!

The infamous "talking stage" has got confused for ALOT of things!  From dating to friends with benefits to best friends. I think it is safe to say it gets quite puzzling. However, it does not have to be it is actually simple. The "talking stage" is better known as the getting to know each other stage. In this stage, you are there to do one of three things. Date, become friends, or nothing at all. Boom! There you have it!

What to do if you catch feelings in the talking stage?

It is normal to catch feelings for someone at this stage because you find that you like their personality and what have you. That's great because again you are in this stage to do one of those three things mentioned above. When you catch feelings do not suppress them communicate how you feel to that person.

What to do if the person does not seem to feel the same?

It sucks sometimes people just do not feel the same way we do but that does not mean all hope is lost. If you feel you can still be friends with this person while having some feelings for them go for it. But if you find that it is becoming increasingly difficult to talk to them without blushing or feeling rejected you may need to take some time away from them. Most of all do not try to force someone into feeling the same way if they do it will come naturally with time. I do not know how long you guys have been talking but I would not rush it, people move at their own pace!

How do I know if I really want more?

You already know that you want more because you stated that, do not hold back your emotions because the thing about that is you will come face to face with them constantly until you handle them.

What do I do if these feelings aren't reciprocated? 

Do not take it personally is the biggest thing, everyone will not fit each other. And that is okay because you will find your perfect fit in due time.

Do not dwell on this, it is very easy to dwell on why someone does not feel the same but you will go crazy trying to figure that out because you may never know. It could honestly be beyond you so try not to stress it too much.

Take this time to yourself, it is always a great time to work on yourself! Focus all on you!

Have fun! Go do something you love, maybe even meet someone new its millions of people out there waiting for someone just like you! So I would not worry about this too much, enjoy life and prosper the right one may be closer than you think!



Related post: 
How to get over him!
How to move on from losing someone you cared about?

Any advice on staying focus in college?

How do I know if I truly love who I am?

The journey to self-love is fulfilling, if you are not happy with the answer to those questions take the time to make yourself whole. 

How to deal with the constant urge to isolate yourself when you feel like you’re not in control of what’s happening in your life? 

Hey!

Let me be the first to say I am proud of your self-awareness and realization, not many people can address an issue that they may have and being able to do that shows you have lots of courage!
Isolation is not all bad I must say, there are just some things we need to do alone, sometimes we need to recharge alone, or simply take time to ourselves. Realizing the difference between those things and isolating yourself because you feel out of control is very important.

Here are my tips on how to deal with the urge to isolate yourself when you feel like you’re not in control:

Identify what is causing you to feel out of control, it is very clear that you have the skills within you to understand yourself and assess your actions. Use those skills to help you identify what is causing your issue. 

Get back in control, you ultimately have the power to control your life and what happens in it, but some things are simply uncontrollable, but those things do not need to be controlled for you to still have power over your life. For example, a death in your family is an uncontrollable fate but choosing to stay in a toxic situation is not.

Do things that make you happy at this time, when we are feeling out of control we tend to shut down and avoid things we love to do. But remember you should and deserve to be happy always and forever, therefore do something you love and just have fun. Read a good book, hang out with friends, write, eat anything your heart desires.

Know that it is okay, we all feel out of control sometimes but there is no reason to panic. If you need time away from friends and family rightfully take that time away. Be respectful and explain to your loves one what the problem is or the reason for your absence, they love you so they will understand.

The biggest takeaway here is sometimes we need our alone time this does not always mean we are isolating ourselves from our friends and family. Sometimes we are calling for ourselves and have issues that only the self can heal. Isolation is not entirely bad when its a purpose behind it, just take your time, take control of your life and get back out there your friends are going to be there waiting for your arrival.

Always remember you have the power over your life and decisions and if things seem uncontrollable maybe they just do not need to be controlled after all. Sometimes things are just beyond us and we just have to go with the flow. 

Be great, prosper, and stay happy!

When is a good time to get back into a relationship?

Is there really any power in forgiveness?

How do you move on from losing someone you cared about? Relationships, friendships, family etc.
Related post: How to get over him

How do you properly assess your weaknesses in order to become a person with better character? 

Hey!
I am loving the self-awareness! I am glad you are looking to work on your weaknesses and become a better person. This process can be quite difficult especially when forced so my biggest advice to you is do not force this process just take your time. Good things take time and this is one of those things.

Here are my tips on properly assessing your weaknesses: 

Identify your weaknesses, the first step is self-awareness and I am sure you have already identified what you want to work on. Also, make sure that your weaknesses are truly something you decided you want to work on not what someone else told you to work on because they are not you and they will never completely understand.

Identify your strengths, knowing your strengths is a major plus because you can use them to aid you in working on your weaknesses. As important as it is to know your weaknesses it is equally as important to know your strengths.

Figure out what needs to be done, every weakness takes a special kind of plan to be conquered. It is your job to identify what you need to do in order to turn this weakness into something more desirable for you.

Do the work, sounds simple but can get really complicated while in the mist of it, and that is just fine. Like I said before good things take time and hard work. What doing the work looks like to you will vary with what it looks like to others. So I suggest you do not concern yourself with the work of others. This journey is yours own it, love it, and take care of yourself! Commit to taking the time to work on yourself, you have no time to abandon yourself.

Rid the labels, no one is a "perfect person" every single person has flaws! Often we chase these labels that make us feel like "great people" in the eyes of others and rarely in the eyes of ourselves. Do the work and make sure you feel like you are better without the affirmation of others because who cares what they think?

Do not aspire to labels, aspire to a higher level of yourself!

Hi, im working on myself and trying to be a better me. I’ve always had the constant tendency to over think and over analyze everything! so much so that this summer i almost went crazy, well i got really depressed. im still young and i realized it isnt healthy or smart to stress myself out so much so my new mindset is to be more free and lighthearted. its hard to stick to though, what’s somethings I can do to stay on the right track to happiness?

Hey!

First, let me say I am extremely proud of you for working to better yourself! I am so glad that you are taking those steps in the right direction. Being an over-thinker can be quite the challenge especially with the pressure of being perfect placed on us nowadays. But remember perfection is impossible!
At the age of 19, 21, 25 and even 30 NOTHING is worth stressing yourself over to the point of losing control, absolutely nothing!
As an over thinker myself I understand the struggle of the overachiever, but if it cost you your mental health it needs to go immediately.

Here are my tips on how to stay on the right track to happiness:

Learn yourself, be aware when you feel yourself starting to become anxious and losing control. Once you are here, take a moment to relax and alter your thoughts.

Ex: "I will never get a 4.0 I just know I can't get it,  I don't even know why I try"
Now let's replace it with: "I will do my best to receive a 4.0 and even if I do not I know I did my best"

Whew! I am significantly less stressed with the latter, how about you? Speak nicely to yourself, encourage yourself, and even if you fall short slightly always do your best and be firm in knowing you did your best!

Alter your mindset, as you stated you want to be more free and lighthearted and that's a great way to be in this life!
Overthinking is caused by fear and self-doubt if we change our mindset from thinking about what could possibly go wrong to all that could go right, we are on our way to a free and lightweight mind!

Ex: "If I fail this test, I will never graduate and never accomplish my goals"
Now let's replace it with: "I will try my best on this test and if I happen to fail I will be sure to do better on the next one"

Failure is inevitable and that's okay because without it we would not be who we are today!

Give yourself a break, please do not burn yourself out stressing the what ifs and why nots! Literally this a recipe for your self-destruction. When you put a timer on the work and all the thinking you are allowing yourself time to be free.

Things to Consider:

• Meditation 
• Yoga
• Journaling
• Constant exercise
• Talking with friends 

Debriefing is the key to happiness, if you do not set boundaries on the work you will find yourself working overtime and burning out more than necessary.

Ask yourself this, Will this matter in 5 months, a year or even next month? If the answer is no absolutely not why are you stressing it now? It's easy to get caught in the moment and stress ourselves to the max for something that most likely will have no effect on our lives in the long run.
This is a major key to becoming more happy, identifying what is worth spending time on and what is not.
I challenge you to this, next time you find yourself stressing out ask yourself is this really worth my time and my happiness?

Be in the present moment, life keeps going on and if you are stuck in place you will never get to where you need to be. Leave the past in the past and be present at all times.
Try not to focus too much on what happened back then and what will happen in the future. Take life one day at a time, and accept life comes with many things we have no control over! And that is okay because, in the end, they will all add up!

Again I am super proud of you for choosing to work on yourself! I wish you nothing but the best in your journey to happiness!

The break up! We all been there and done that but for some reason they do not hurt any less than the last time. This one is for all my women out there that has just got their hearts crushed by the "guy of their dreams". In this post I will cover a eight step guide to getting over him and putting your happiness on top!

Lets get right to,

How to get over him!

1. Give your heart a break

2. Don't Rush it!

We are young, and there is plenty of time to worry about your future husband. And even if you are not so young, there's more to life than romantic relationships. Do not worry about finding the next Mr. right so soon let him come to you.

Be so engulf in yourself and your life, that this idea is no longer apart of your everyday thoughts!

3. Remember that you broke up for a reason

4. Take off those rose color glasses!

5. Throw your regrets in the trash!!!

6. Be kind to yourself!

MORE MONEY!

If you want to learn how to make college more affordable for you and your family. This post is surely for you! In this post I will cover 9 ways to get more money for college without having to apply for a loan and potentially breaking your bank, because Ain't no body got time for that!!

Are you ready? Lets go!

More Money For College

1. Scholarships/Grants!

The best way is to receive a grant or several to help you pay for college. A Grant/Scholarship is a designated amount of money that does not have to be paid back. It beats a loan by 100 percent because it is completely free money for you!
Now its been made clear a lot of people hate the process of searching for scholarships to apply for, writing essays, and filling out applications. I understand it is quite a time consuming process, but ask yourself this. Do you want the money?
*Bonus tip*: Ask your jobs, programs, or school if there is any available scholarships for you to apply for. Doing this cuts the research time in half and allows you have someone you trust for assistance in your process. This is the way that I received most of the scholarships that I have for school currently.

2. Appeal your Financial aid Award!

Yes, you read that right! It is that simple appealing your aid award can get your more money and quick! At the end of the approving process many schools have extra money sitting for someone (like you) to appeal their award. This is known as the FASFA appeal, where you would need to write a formal appeal to your Financial aid office requesting more money and follow up with a phone call or just a phone call alone. But it is highly important that you do not waste any time once your aid awards comes in because money is limited!
Be sure to include:

• Why you really want to go to said school
• Reemphasize why you would be a good fit 
• Thoroughly explain your financial burdens (ex: Medical bills, sudden unemployment)
• Any changes to your families financial circumstances in the past year

3. Work Study!

4. Outside Jobs

5. Fellowships/Internships

• Paid fellowship opportunities (can be available for lower and upper classmen)
• Paid Internships( they are not just for seniors!!)

6. Commuting! 

7. The Side Hustle!

• Poshmark- Have old clothes that you do not want? Sell them now for cash!
• Fiverr- Have talents that you would like to share with those in need? Sign up now and get started!
• Ebay- Old items that you need gone? Sell them on Ebay now!

8. Reduce Academic Expenses

No you do not need all those books that your class says you need and no you do not need brand new books! The reality is these books that are "needed" usually are never really needed. You can get by and pass that class with A+ without that book so do not waste your time or money. I can not tell you how many times I did not need the book my classes said I needed and wasted my money. DO NOT do it!
Be sure to ask your professor *personally* is the book truly needed in class then buy it do not buy the book before hand. Or you will be very disappointed in your choices because books are not cheap!
 If the books are needed, I would suggest you rent books or buy used ones for a whole lot less. This will serve you just fine!
Also if the book is needed I suggest you find a friend with the book you need and ask to share, Sharing is Caring!

*Bonus Tip:* Be sure to get that book out of here (if you did buy it) by selling it to someone in need. Did you say hustle?? A side hustle indeed!

9.  Crowfunding!!

Remember when I said sharing is caring? It most certainly is and plenty of people are willing to donate to a college student in need, a college student with a dream, and just because. Crowdfunding allows the public to donate to causes and or projects that they support through social media. With that being said do not be ashamed to ask for help because you never know what can happen!

Students have utilized crowdfunding to help fund extreme college expenses and it has worked out well for them.

• CommonBond- connects students and alumni investors 
• Gofundme- connect students to the public through a personal campaign 
• Indiegogo- allows you to raise money for whatever you need. 

Sign up now, promote your campaign and watch college expenses disappear!

Conclusion